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Leaving Loved Ones Behind

We all leave someone behind when we move to a foreign land such as Fuerteventura. Sitting these people down and telling them of your big decision may be one of the hardest things to bring up in conversation.

But you MUST speak to those closest to you. All too often people tell their pals first… then leave it and leave it before telling parents, siblings etc – which only adds to your worries… when actually it often goes easier than you expect. But also… imagine if your family then find out friends knew a while before… because you were dreading telling them.

For example, when we told my parents of our plans they couldn’t wait to get rid of us! Ok… I’m obviously joking – but they were so pleased for us… extremely supportive and encouraging, and said they wished they’d done it themselves. Alan’s Dad was also equally supportive – and in fact has been out to inspect things and reassure himself that his little boy (ok… not so little or young anymore) is okay, and not living in a shack on the sand dunes.

In fact – this was often the reaction we received. Many assumed we were coming out to run a bar (absolutely the furthest thing from our minds) but that’s because that is what so many do when they move to sunnier climes. But everyone was either insanely jealous… or extremely encouraging.

We also experienced disbelief from a couple of our closest friends. They thought that we were simply “thinking about it”. There were many tears from my closest female friends once they saw the tickets, and the house was being packed up. They hadn’t quite believed it until that point – despite our insistence.

But throughout all of this… everyone was behind us… and looking forward to their own cheap holidays in the Canaries obviously!

This is not the case with all families of course – every family and friends dynamic is different… and only you can guess how they will react. So take a look at the following points to give you some food for thought.

1. Expect surprise, disbelief, and possibly even resentment. You may have been dangling the carrot of this for some time. But until they actually see proof of your move, they may not quite believe it. Some may even get angry, and feel that you are deserting them. Hey – it’s only natural. But don’t worry! This is completely natural. Place yourself in their shoes… and imagine your own reactions.

2. You may be anticipating your loved ones’ reactions with your own feelings of trepidation or posibly even dread. Try to understand how they are feeling… and react accordingly. Remember that your worries about the move may manifest itself in defensiveness or guilt. This is all completely natural too. Once again – don’t worry!

3. Point out the benefits to your loved ones. Remind them that you can nnow entertain them in the sunshine. You will get to spend more quality time with them now, as they come over especially to see you… rather than a few snatched moments over a cuppa.

4. Expect the unexpected. We had one friend that we told… whose parents had recently emigrated to Malaga. Her boss too had taken the plunge and was on the move. She and her husband had planned to move to Southern Spain too (albeit not for another 5 years or so) – and when we too told her that we were off… it gave her and her husband that final bump needed to speed up their plans. Within 1 month, she had sold the house (including the cat which is now happily ensconced with the new houseowners), packed up, taken in a short trip to the Sates to see her brother, and moved everything to a gorgeous top floor terrace apartment in Malaga. Almost 3 years later she’s still there, very happy, and her husband has built himself up a successful building business. When we told Alan’s teenage sons – their first question was  “Will you have a pool?” Of course they knew us well enough to know that our home is always home to them too – no matter where we are in the world. In fact, Alan’s eldest moved out to live with us permanently shortly after he left school, and is now enjoying life in the sun.

5. Expect oodles of questions from your friends and family… Why are you leaving? What will you do for work in Fuerteventura? When will we see you again? How can I contact you in an emergency? Will you be safe? What happens if it doesn’t work out?  Expect these, and many more, questions to come thick and fast. Be prepared – and just tell people the truth – and encourage them to come and see your new home for themselves.

6. Be prepared for the same questions over and over. You’ll almost end up sounding like a parrot (we did). But that’s because everyone will be so intrigued.

7. Plan your communication. Make sure that you gain email addresses and telephone numbers for all those nearest and dearest to you. Just by ensuring that you have these contact details will reassure your loved ones that you’re not going to forget them once you’re a few extra miles away. Remind them that it’s only a four hour flight. It’s not the South Pole after all!

8. Be prepared for some surprises, and possibly shocks, once you have moved. For us, some people didn’t keep in touch – some of whom surprised us. Others… who we thought would be an email once or twice a year have kept in much more frequent contact, and have enhanced the friendship and family relationships – even more than we shared back in the UK. You may find out who your friends really are. But the onus is also on you to keep in contact too! We have made many many friends here. But we have also made new friends in the UK through our dealings with Canary Nightlife.  Because the forum is so friendly… people can come in and have a chat without fear of being ridiculed (ok, except Madstock, Bart and Flash – but you’d have to visit the forum to find out how).

9. Hasta luego. There were some that we wanted to say a face to face goodbye to before we left. Not because we never thought we’d see them again… but because we knew that we knew ourselves that we were going to be quite emotional as we flew out anyway. So we took a couple of weeks out before we left to travel around the UK saying “Hasta luego” to as many as possible. We did get a proper send off at the airport though. My 3 closest female pals were insistent that they drove us up there. We all sat in Gatwick drinking champagne out of plastic cups (very classy)… taking 100s of photographs (apologies to the ladies in the toilets who wondered why 4 excited ladies were pulling faces and posing rather strangely for the camera).

10. The day of departure. Remember that the day of your departure is only a tiny moment in the whole big plan. Yes, emotions will be running high – excitement, trepidation, even fear. Make sure you bring your tissues.  It’s what happens after that, which will ensure your future. So don’t put so much pressure on yourself about that day in particular.

11. Visiting time! As soon as you’re all settled in… make plans on when you will next see your loved ones. Maybe book a short trip back (trust me, you’ll be missing Fuerteventura within a couple of days). You may not be able to do it straight away – but at least set the plans in motion.

No one  can say how it will all go – all you can do is listen to other people’s experiences, and roll with your own. Just take it slow… go easy on yourselves, and don’t be too harsh with your loved ones. Hey a whole new life beckons… and they can share this with you too!

The very best of luck to you – and don’t hesitate to drop us a line if you simply want to chat. That’s what we’re here for!

We’re also very interested in hearing from people who have either recently made the move… or who are just about to.

4 Responses to “Leaving Loved Ones Behind”

  • Janette Greer says:

    Hi there,
    Thank you so much for being honest and practical in all aspects of moving on to the canaries, your comments were like a breath of fresh air, I guess sometimes in life we are meant to read words of wisdom and courage to help overcome the rollercoaster of emotions that come with leaving loved ones behind.
    My husband surprised us with a christmas holiday to Fuerteventura, one of many over the years, While we were on holiday it felt so peaceful and it felt like we had come home again, the people are so friendly and open.
    We have to little boys aged 11 and 7 years old. I am a Aromatherapist with various other therapies that I practice. My husband in management, transport logistics!
    We are in the mist of revamping and selling our house in Balloch Scotland! and plan to move in the next few months,any advice you can give us would be very welcome. Your comments and are very helpful are very much appreciated.
    Kind Regards
    Janette

  • Elle says:

    Hi Janette – thank you so much for the kind wordas about the site. We really hope it helps people just like yourself!

    Sounds like your plans are already in motion then eh?! Excellñent! The one piece of advice that i would say is vitally important… is to ensure that you have enough funds to help you ride the quiet patch for a while. Perhaps rent before you buy? Then you can be sure you’re definitely in the right part of the world. That’s what we did – and we’re very pleased that we did so!

    Do keep in touch – and feel free to fire over any questions you may have! We also have a good bunch of people watching this site, who are also helping us with advice and content to bring to you. We would also love it if you would consider keeping a bit of a diary of how it all goes… that we can pop into here. Sometimes… reading someone else’s experiences can make all the difference to someone who may be having doubts.

    Kindest regards from us both – and our best wishes for your new future!

    Elle & Alan.

  • Janette Greer says:

    Good evening Elle,

    Tuesday 12th May 2009

    Thank you for replying so quickly,your advice of renting before buying and funds for a few years is all good advice for us to follow. I had such a wonderful restful sleep last night knowing that I had someone to communicate with, who knows how it feels moving to fuerteventura. I have a gut feeling that you are a kindred spirit your kind Words have been so encouraging and powerful in our lives.
    In your experience of schools on the island which ones would you recommend? Our little boys are so close as brothers, they have lived a sheltered lives going to school weekdays and at weekends we take them to the caravan in callander , Scotland, we bike ride, hillwalk the outdoors lifestyle is for us!

    Unfortunatley society in uk has changed dramaticaly into a culture were children and families are second place. This one of the main reasons that we want to move on.

    Wisdom from a 11 year old…..my son said to me mum yesterday is histoy , tomorrow is a mystery and today is the present it is a present from God.
    Goodnight
    Janette & Jim & boys
    ( where there is a will there is a way )

  • Elle says:

    Hi Janette – no problem with the prompt response. And we’re always here to help when we can. We’re actually just across the Bocaina Straits in Playa Blanca, Lanzarote… but as I’ve been over to Fuerteventura so often… and as most experiences apply in any other Canaries – we thought we’d set this up.

    What part of the Island are you moving to hon? Then hopefully we can help with some school info for you.

    Tell your son he’s very wise… but shouldn’t he be outside getting scabby knees? :o .) Old before his time that one.

    Take care – and keep in touch hon!

    Elle xx

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